Monday, January 16, 2012

long weekend.

i'll be honest. i live in a bubble of "cant happen to me" a lot of the time. i always have. life rarely gives me a kick in the ass, but it did this weekend.

i woke up on sunday and texted my mom to ask what we all were doing that day ;) she said i was just like my gma (who also always wanted the plan earlier than anyone else) and we decided on target.

they said they were leaving. i said "no wait 10 mins! doing hair!"

she called me and said they were going to grab some food and asked if i or any of the kids wanted some. i said to get a sausage biscuit for aidan. and off we both were from our houses. sawyer and EJ stay home to do some house stuff.

i pull into the target parking lot, mom and dad arent there yet and so we sit. reese whines for her bottle and aidan belts out kelly clarkson's "you dont know a thiiiiiing about me...." while we wait. finally we decide to get out and wait inside target at starbucks - so i unbuckle aidan and get her out and then my phone rings.

let me say here - i screen calls. i really, even with a business, dont answer my phone for numbers that i dont know. but i did. i dont know why, but i did.

me: hello?
her: hey, you dont know me. your mom gave me your phone number.
me: ha. okay? (at this point, im thinking its a client or inquiry)
her: your parents got into an accident... they are okay..

the rest is a blur. somehow she sort of told me where they were located on the 121 access road, but honestly, i didnt need directions. as i was coming from the other way, i could see the multiple firetrucks and ambulances. i lost my shit. i had called EJ and said i would update him as soon as i could.

when i got there, i pulled past and parked safely and ran to get an update. the lady who called me already was on her way to my car. she and her boyf were the first there and who got my parents out of the car - she actually was an EMT for another city. miracle, huh? a fireman came over to tell me all the same things... that they look bad, but that they are okay. i went to my dad who was still on the ground, lost it *again*, held his hand, said i loved him, but he said he was okay (despite the blood and dirt covering his entire face) and to check on my mom. i went to my mom who was already in the ambulance (and whose face was completely unscathed), told her i loved her, too and she asked the same things about my dad. so worried about each other... 

the fireman said which hospital they were going to so i called EJ to tell them i was going to follow. at this point, im so uncontrollably crying that he said no and to park and that he'd be there with sawyer to drive us all. so i park and wait. and puke. and then wait.

in the car, i prayed with aidan. she didnt really know what was going on bc i didnt let her *see* the accident. i had just said that nonny and papa were hurt by a bad driver and that we were going to go make them feel better. and then we prayed.


EJ got there and got into the driver's seat while i was left to my own devices. not having to think about anything except for what i saw. it doesnt matter how many people say "they are okay"... what if they arent. what if that was it?

we got to the hospital and went back and forth from room to room. thank heavens i did not miss the note that the nurse had written on her glove from my dad to my mom. so him. she got it down perfect. something about thanking God that it wasnt worse and that he loves her. i wish i could remember it exactly. but it made me want their kind of love 38.5 years into marriage like that...

my dad LOOKED the worst, but my mom was hurt worse. EJ wasnt even sure if the girls should come in and see my dad, but sawyer wanted to see it all. she told him "papa you got a bleed. you need a band-aid" (to which she later bought spongebob and camo band-aids with EJ at the store for him). lol when they cleaned my dad up (like, got the dirt out of his ears, teeth, head, and belly button lol), it looked better - basically he got horrible road rash on his scalp. so a layer of skin is just... gone. his eyes are swollen from the debris, but he can move around more.

my mom's face was perfect. not a mark. not anywhere, i dont think. but she hurt inside. her sternum is fractured and it hurts to do anything. this is rough for the woman who does everything (too much, probably) for everyone. i am certain most of you know that my mom is my best friend. her mom was her best friend. i can only hope my girls and i have the same relationship i have with my mom. so this whole thing was just mind boggling to me. like... how? we go to target every weekend.

long story short(er than it could be), i stayed there last night to make sure that they could have help if need be. but this whole 24 hours has (selfishly? i dunno) shaken me up. yeah, im also almost 37 weeks pregnant and, well, a little more emotional than normal. all day today, while driving, i thought "oh. that could have been an accident right there... or there...". i think it takes more than 24 hours to shake the "what could have happened" feelings. bc what could have happened is just... its not for now.

{eta: i wanted to add - when we went to the house to swap cars, etc for the night, i told aidan we were going to stay at nonny and papa's house. she said "bc they your parents? sometimes kids have to take care of their mom and dad..."}

now lets talk how it happened. here's what the cops think: you know how in cop shows, if they hit the back of a car, they can send it in to a spin and it will stop? thats basically what the kid did to my parents. only after spinning, it flipped 3 times. and the guys truck ended up on my parents car. (youll see pics below). they were truly surrounded by angels. there is no way that they should be as "okay" as they are.

***pics below of the 4runner***

i took 1 at the accident. bc i knew they'd want to see it later. little did i know that my dad would have wanted me to get a "better angle" LOL ;)


accident pic

today, EJ and my dad went to the tow yard to get the stuff out of the car that was left/tossed out/etc.

you can see why my dad had road rash. holy shiz.
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339914_3121481035229_1210665423_3432878_745598166_o

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330197_3121491675495_1210665423_3432879_872197047_o

and just a link if you want to see my dad's head. im not posting it bc its gross, but he did want a pic to see what it looked like *after* they cleaned it at the hospital (before a shower, though) - but its bloody, so...

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7014/6711695303_3c13106e17_z.jpg

so thats it. im tired. im emotional. and im blessed. blessed that i have 2 amazing parents alive and healthy - albeit sore. and in pain. and tired from barely sleeping at all. but here. here to be the best parents and nonny/papa for decades more. because any less than that is just unacceptable. ;)

last night, the couple who showed up first called me. the boyf was like "i dont even know your name. this has been bothering me all day, but i just remembered we called you from OUR phone... how are they?" he told me how he knew you shouldnt move people from accidents, but that the car was smoking and they were worried - so they did it anyway. i cried, thanked them, and then thanked God that there are people out there like them. people who care. 

please remember how quickly life can change. it only takes a few seconds...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

things ill miss.

ive complained a lot this pregnancy. i am tired, but cant sleep. i have antsy legs, so i go to the gym (which helps!!) annnnd then im worn out. <--- see how much complaining lol

im also crazy. EJ wanted to video tape my *freak out* the other night over dishes in the kitchen -- something that is not even the tiniest of a big deal and i was laughably insane. i went ballistic the other night bc i couldnt find my phone before bed (but needed the alarm for the morn) - so i looked around... and then again... then longer. i finally gave up, got into bed, and there it was ::twitch:: i burst into tears and then laughed so hard with EJ.

last night i had a hamstring cramp so bad that i woke up and cried, probably scaring EJ half to death, and then it wouldnt go away. it was horrible. but then i think about this pregnancy ending and i get so "ho hum" about it.

i will miss:

1. wondering "was that a kick?! is that the baby!!?" at the beginning. no matter how many kids you have - that question (and realization that its prob gas bubbles) is still fun.

2. finding out the gender. even if all the answers have been the same, its still shocking ;) i scheduled an early u/s this time bc i simply LOVE that announcement. EJ was able to come without taking off work, ASR came (and tortured us the entire time lol it was not a relaxing u/s), and i just waited for that moment that finally we could put a gender to the baby. finally pick a definite name.

3. choosing a name. the conversations with EJ, the laughing about choices, bouncing ideas off other people, thinking about how that kid will be, etc. and then, finally, deciding... and calling her that. and telling the kids "who" she is. having aidan and sawyer refer to this one as "miller" is just the best. they love HER already.

4. having the kids and EJ experience things with me. aidan and sawyer have been to several dr appts with me. sawyer isnt as interested as aidan is -- aidan is just... fascinated. she likes to listen to the heartbeat, she loves the ultrasounds, she can tell anyone *where* miller is in my belly (ie: "her heart is here, her head is down here, her legs are over here....) bc she watched the dr :) sawyer and aidan both love my baby belly (although sawyer is more interested in poking my new outtie than anything else lol) and feel kicks. i love when EJ can finally feel her move, too. especially later when my belly can be seen moving from across the room. and he can feel her go nuts in there - like at night when i just want to rock her to sleep inside my belly bc thats when she goes the craziest haha

5. watching my belly move from the outside. it *never* ceases to amaze me. to watch it roll, stick out inches on one side, feel a foot push out and then back, to watch it get soooo big on one side then BAM - move to the other side... its just awesome.

im sure if i had written this post with little bullets throughout the past months, id have a list of 2039482039482. but as someone who still pukes sometimes (and did for about 3+ months the first/second tri), who just wants to take a nap when the girls do - but then, instead, i do laundry and cook dinner (ok. most of the time lol), who still has some business to wrap up before i go on "official" maternity leave (editing, another shoot, prints to go out, sales taxes, and then fed taxes bc i dont want to be doing that in feb lol).... anyway, because of some of those things, im slightly jaded until i get that baby in my arms ;)

oh, and another thing i KNOW i'll miss already -- that 15 mins between pushing out a baby, holding your baby, realizing you have another baby, listening to her cry, seeing her sweet face, all of it.... its surreal. and amazing. and i immediately want to do it again. just those few mins of birth. when you see who youve had months to fall in love with.

im excited to see whats in store for our soon-to-be family of 6. i am already trying to figure out logistics ;) ive said before that i think 1 to 2 kids was the hardest. 2 to 3 wasnt bad (but lets be honest - i had reese. who is THE most laid back cool baby ever - so 2 to 3 might have been horrid). so i am anxious to see 3 to 4. i have a few other friends who *just* had their 4ths and... yeah, its hard! (ok not for one friend - she got a reese for #4 lol lucky duck).

im sure ill continue hilarity on my FB of my ups and downs. most of you see my ::twitch:: and ::kaboom:: from my head exploding on days where i just... cant... handle it LOL but i wouldnt change anything for the world. its all about your attitude :) easier said than done, but i certainly try.