Friday, February 24, 2012

life with 4.

what a wonderful 3 (well, almost) weeks i've had. miller is an angel and i am making sure to soak up every sweet moment with her.

but i'll start with some catching up ;)

here is my photo set from the first week or so. ---> CLICK HERE.

annnnd here is my post from that same day ---> AHEM.

but, of course, there's been a lot of time since then, right?

everyone asks "so how is it with 4?!" and honestly, right now, not that much different. the difference will be in a few months when she's not sleeping so much. haha

my day has been adjusted mainly for feedings. i wake up a bit earlier to feed miller and then i get aidan and sawyer up. i get them dressed, food started, and hair done -- then i go wake reese up. i feed her, A and S get shoes and socks on, we all pack up and head to school.

getting in and out for school is the hard part lol as MANY of you know from facebook (and the longest status comment thread ive ever had for something so mundane lol) i had to get another double stroller. i drive a tahoe. captain seats in the middle and then 3rd row. so miller and reese are in the middle. and i send aidan and sawyer to the back. but its only a tahoe... so i have ZERO trunk space, then. (before i had 4, i took out 1/2 of the 3rd row so i could put a ton of stuff back there - including my MONSTER kolcraft duo - but not anymore).

so i got a super light and very thin double (peg perego) that fits in the back nicely. ::confetti:: we went to buybuybaby about 100x trying double strollers. and seeing if theyd fit. and for now, this is great -- all i need it to do is put reese and miller into a stroller to take aidan and sawyer to school. the halls are so busy, the last thing i want to do is chase reese around!! :) later, i want to sell one or both of the doubles and then put it towards a BOB double jogger. but i'll wait until M is out of the bucket, for that. annnnnd a suburban haha

ANYWAY. since i dont have the gym right now (boo. hiss. -- they dont take babies under 12 weeks so i freeze my account for those 3 months), after we do drop off, we just... go home... sometimes we run errands, but really, there's only so often i can go to target (thats a lie)! luckily, the past 3 weeks have kept me busy with a dr appt here and there, lunch with friends, and the amazing amount of laundry that shows up every day...

::sorry i am babbling. im watching "brideday friday" on TLC and sort of distracted::

oh, hey, remember that time we moved sawyer and aidan into the same room? yeah. good times //sarcasm

well that has ended. i thought theyd get bored. i thought theyd realize that "OMG I HAVE THE REST OF THE DAY TO PLAY, FIGHT, MAKE UP, PLAY MORE!!" but they didnt realize that. and, in the end, weren't getting enough sleep.

we then tried reese and sawyer. um. bwhahahahaha.

so, since we never actually made up miller's room completely (sawyer's old room), we moved her back. so now sawyer has a newly painted room, new curtains, and is alone again. its been so nice. and quiet.

we will do reese and miller when we move miller out of the PNP in our room. because miller wont be getting out of bed, twirling around the room, singing, and living with her head in the clouds making reese crazy.... like sawyer did. so im hoping that M and R works... then we'll move out of this house. haha 2012 is year of the "get the house ready and upgrade from a 4br to a 5br spring 2013!"

hmmm other things... OH! sleep! the last weeks of pregnancy were worse, to be honest. i was waking up so cranky and uncomfortable. peeing non stop. ugh. but at least i get a few hours here and there! some random nights i get super lucky and have a really large span of time - like 5-6 hours. BUT that is not the norm. the "norm" is about 4 hrs -- but starting at 8pm. so when we go to bed at 9 and are asleep by 1030 or so (hey, we like pillow talk!! lol) thats not a lot of sleep before the first wake up.

thats no one's fault but my own, though ;) like, right now, for instance, i should be sleeping!

during the day, miller is awake a lot in the mornings, but then crashes in the afternoon. then she cluster feeds all evening.

as for breastfeeding, this has been the easiest kid so far. i know a lot of you have talked about anxiety while BFing and know that thats how it was with reese. but this time is so... relaxed. i even NIP at chickfila today haha she's a good eater and while i still have those "OMFG I HAVE TO DIG MY NAILS INTO SOMETHING AND NOT SAY 100 CURSE WORDS" seconds at first letdown/latch -- then its fine! hahaha that pain has been getting better though - and ive been told that 3 weeks is average, so we'll see.

im trying to think of anything else thats changed -- but really, its just one more sweet, amazing person in our family to love.

aidan and sawyer are simply over the moon in love with miller. they watch her. hug her. kiss her. they have to say goodnight to her. and goodbye when they are at school. but none of that really surprised me. they are so good to each other and reese, that i knew itd be okay.

reese, on the other hand, is hilarious. she's not *jealous*, really, but she just doesnt particularly care about miller. she doesnt want to hold her or anything (and if you know reese, she does that grunt and shoulder shift of "like hell, dude. no room here") but then she will always come running with a blanket for her. and will rub her head. :) so i think she just has to wait for miller to be something other than a crying and sleeping thing that seems to be hanging around. lol luckily, reese gets a lot of time with me during the day - so that helps :)

in the end, im just REALLY trying to soak it all in. i dont know what the future holds for us for more kids or not -- and i want to spend every moment i can loving on this newborn stage. i am the first one to have admitted before that i am more of a "toddler mom", but this time is so different... sigh... now i want to go snuggle her lol

maybe ill add to this later - or another post -- or ask me something that you want to know? just comment!!

[yes, i need to update the header to this blog. and my TYLWL blog. ill get to it ;)]

Monday, January 16, 2012

long weekend.

i'll be honest. i live in a bubble of "cant happen to me" a lot of the time. i always have. life rarely gives me a kick in the ass, but it did this weekend.

i woke up on sunday and texted my mom to ask what we all were doing that day ;) she said i was just like my gma (who also always wanted the plan earlier than anyone else) and we decided on target.

they said they were leaving. i said "no wait 10 mins! doing hair!"

she called me and said they were going to grab some food and asked if i or any of the kids wanted some. i said to get a sausage biscuit for aidan. and off we both were from our houses. sawyer and EJ stay home to do some house stuff.

i pull into the target parking lot, mom and dad arent there yet and so we sit. reese whines for her bottle and aidan belts out kelly clarkson's "you dont know a thiiiiiing about me...." while we wait. finally we decide to get out and wait inside target at starbucks - so i unbuckle aidan and get her out and then my phone rings.

let me say here - i screen calls. i really, even with a business, dont answer my phone for numbers that i dont know. but i did. i dont know why, but i did.

me: hello?
her: hey, you dont know me. your mom gave me your phone number.
me: ha. okay? (at this point, im thinking its a client or inquiry)
her: your parents got into an accident... they are okay..

the rest is a blur. somehow she sort of told me where they were located on the 121 access road, but honestly, i didnt need directions. as i was coming from the other way, i could see the multiple firetrucks and ambulances. i lost my shit. i had called EJ and said i would update him as soon as i could.

when i got there, i pulled past and parked safely and ran to get an update. the lady who called me already was on her way to my car. she and her boyf were the first there and who got my parents out of the car - she actually was an EMT for another city. miracle, huh? a fireman came over to tell me all the same things... that they look bad, but that they are okay. i went to my dad who was still on the ground, lost it *again*, held his hand, said i loved him, but he said he was okay (despite the blood and dirt covering his entire face) and to check on my mom. i went to my mom who was already in the ambulance (and whose face was completely unscathed), told her i loved her, too and she asked the same things about my dad. so worried about each other... 

the fireman said which hospital they were going to so i called EJ to tell them i was going to follow. at this point, im so uncontrollably crying that he said no and to park and that he'd be there with sawyer to drive us all. so i park and wait. and puke. and then wait.

in the car, i prayed with aidan. she didnt really know what was going on bc i didnt let her *see* the accident. i had just said that nonny and papa were hurt by a bad driver and that we were going to go make them feel better. and then we prayed.

EJ got there and got into the driver's seat while i was left to my own devices. not having to think about anything except for what i saw. it doesnt matter how many people say "they are okay"... what if they arent. what if that was it?

we got to the hospital and went back and forth from room to room. thank heavens i did not miss the note that the nurse had written on her glove from my dad to my mom. so him. she got it down perfect. something about thanking God that it wasnt worse and that he loves her. i wish i could remember it exactly. but it made me want their kind of love 38.5 years into marriage like that...

my dad LOOKED the worst, but my mom was hurt worse. EJ wasnt even sure if the girls should come in and see my dad, but sawyer wanted to see it all. she told him "papa you got a bleed. you need a band-aid" (to which she later bought spongebob and camo band-aids with EJ at the store for him). lol when they cleaned my dad up (like, got the dirt out of his ears, teeth, head, and belly button lol), it looked better - basically he got horrible road rash on his scalp. so a layer of skin is just... gone. his eyes are swollen from the debris, but he can move around more.

my mom's face was perfect. not a mark. not anywhere, i dont think. but she hurt inside. her sternum is fractured and it hurts to do anything. this is rough for the woman who does everything (too much, probably) for everyone. i am certain most of you know that my mom is my best friend. her mom was her best friend. i can only hope my girls and i have the same relationship i have with my mom. so this whole thing was just mind boggling to me. like... how? we go to target every weekend.

long story short(er than it could be), i stayed there last night to make sure that they could have help if need be. but this whole 24 hours has (selfishly? i dunno) shaken me up. yeah, im also almost 37 weeks pregnant and, well, a little more emotional than normal. all day today, while driving, i thought "oh. that could have been an accident right there... or there...". i think it takes more than 24 hours to shake the "what could have happened" feelings. bc what could have happened is just... its not for now.

{eta: i wanted to add - when we went to the house to swap cars, etc for the night, i told aidan we were going to stay at nonny and papa's house. she said "bc they your parents? sometimes kids have to take care of their mom and dad..."}

now lets talk how it happened. here's what the cops think: you know how in cop shows, if they hit the back of a car, they can send it in to a spin and it will stop? thats basically what the kid did to my parents. only after spinning, it flipped 3 times. and the guys truck ended up on my parents car. (youll see pics below). they were truly surrounded by angels. there is no way that they should be as "okay" as they are.

***pics below of the 4runner***

i took 1 at the accident. bc i knew they'd want to see it later. little did i know that my dad would have wanted me to get a "better angle" LOL ;)

accident pic

today, EJ and my dad went to the tow yard to get the stuff out of the car that was left/tossed out/etc.

you can see why my dad had road rash. holy shiz.




and just a link if you want to see my dad's head. im not posting it bc its gross, but he did want a pic to see what it looked like *after* they cleaned it at the hospital (before a shower, though) - but its bloody, so...

so thats it. im tired. im emotional. and im blessed. blessed that i have 2 amazing parents alive and healthy - albeit sore. and in pain. and tired from barely sleeping at all. but here. here to be the best parents and nonny/papa for decades more. because any less than that is just unacceptable. ;)

last night, the couple who showed up first called me. the boyf was like "i dont even know your name. this has been bothering me all day, but i just remembered we called you from OUR phone... how are they?" he told me how he knew you shouldnt move people from accidents, but that the car was smoking and they were worried - so they did it anyway. i cried, thanked them, and then thanked God that there are people out there like them. people who care. 

please remember how quickly life can change. it only takes a few seconds...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

things ill miss.

ive complained a lot this pregnancy. i am tired, but cant sleep. i have antsy legs, so i go to the gym (which helps!!) annnnd then im worn out. <--- see how much complaining lol

im also crazy. EJ wanted to video tape my *freak out* the other night over dishes in the kitchen -- something that is not even the tiniest of a big deal and i was laughably insane. i went ballistic the other night bc i couldnt find my phone before bed (but needed the alarm for the morn) - so i looked around... and then again... then longer. i finally gave up, got into bed, and there it was ::twitch:: i burst into tears and then laughed so hard with EJ.

last night i had a hamstring cramp so bad that i woke up and cried, probably scaring EJ half to death, and then it wouldnt go away. it was horrible. but then i think about this pregnancy ending and i get so "ho hum" about it.

i will miss:

1. wondering "was that a kick?! is that the baby!!?" at the beginning. no matter how many kids you have - that question (and realization that its prob gas bubbles) is still fun.

2. finding out the gender. even if all the answers have been the same, its still shocking ;) i scheduled an early u/s this time bc i simply LOVE that announcement. EJ was able to come without taking off work, ASR came (and tortured us the entire time lol it was not a relaxing u/s), and i just waited for that moment that finally we could put a gender to the baby. finally pick a definite name.

3. choosing a name. the conversations with EJ, the laughing about choices, bouncing ideas off other people, thinking about how that kid will be, etc. and then, finally, deciding... and calling her that. and telling the kids "who" she is. having aidan and sawyer refer to this one as "miller" is just the best. they love HER already.

4. having the kids and EJ experience things with me. aidan and sawyer have been to several dr appts with me. sawyer isnt as interested as aidan is -- aidan is just... fascinated. she likes to listen to the heartbeat, she loves the ultrasounds, she can tell anyone *where* miller is in my belly (ie: "her heart is here, her head is down here, her legs are over here....) bc she watched the dr :) sawyer and aidan both love my baby belly (although sawyer is more interested in poking my new outtie than anything else lol) and feel kicks. i love when EJ can finally feel her move, too. especially later when my belly can be seen moving from across the room. and he can feel her go nuts in there - like at night when i just want to rock her to sleep inside my belly bc thats when she goes the craziest haha

5. watching my belly move from the outside. it *never* ceases to amaze me. to watch it roll, stick out inches on one side, feel a foot push out and then back, to watch it get soooo big on one side then BAM - move to the other side... its just awesome.

im sure if i had written this post with little bullets throughout the past months, id have a list of 2039482039482. but as someone who still pukes sometimes (and did for about 3+ months the first/second tri), who just wants to take a nap when the girls do - but then, instead, i do laundry and cook dinner (ok. most of the time lol), who still has some business to wrap up before i go on "official" maternity leave (editing, another shoot, prints to go out, sales taxes, and then fed taxes bc i dont want to be doing that in feb lol).... anyway, because of some of those things, im slightly jaded until i get that baby in my arms ;)

oh, and another thing i KNOW i'll miss already -- that 15 mins between pushing out a baby, holding your baby, realizing you have another baby, listening to her cry, seeing her sweet face, all of it.... its surreal. and amazing. and i immediately want to do it again. just those few mins of birth. when you see who youve had months to fall in love with.

im excited to see whats in store for our soon-to-be family of 6. i am already trying to figure out logistics ;) ive said before that i think 1 to 2 kids was the hardest. 2 to 3 wasnt bad (but lets be honest - i had reese. who is THE most laid back cool baby ever - so 2 to 3 might have been horrid). so i am anxious to see 3 to 4. i have a few other friends who *just* had their 4ths and... yeah, its hard! (ok not for one friend - she got a reese for #4 lol lucky duck).

im sure ill continue hilarity on my FB of my ups and downs. most of you see my ::twitch:: and ::kaboom:: from my head exploding on days where i just... cant... handle it LOL but i wouldnt change anything for the world. its all about your attitude :) easier said than done, but i certainly try.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


there are only a few things im a freak about.

1. fevers over 104.
2. picking up the house after the kids are in bed.
3. traditions.

(ok truth be told, im a freak about more stuff, but lets move on...)

besides the fact that i just dealt with sawyer's 104+ fever *and* my nesting is kicking in ;) its the holiday season - and also aidan's birthday is coming up. and both of those things are full of traditions.

here's a few of the things that i hold dear :)

waking you up with singing on your birthday. and video taping it :) if you go to TYLWL and click on some birthday posts, youll hear a lot of my horrible singing voice :) and some cranky kids who i woke up with that voice. i just love it. i want to do it forever. then laugh when they are 16 and want to throw something at me.

putting up a christmas tree. this is non-negotiable. we wont just *not* have one. ever. plus, i have such a sweet spot for it by the stairs in the front lol

taking pics of my kids on their first bdays in the cloud PJs.

all 3 cloud PJs

EJ put reese down to bed the night before her first bday. and i FREAKED OUT. i woke her up and put the cloud PJs on her. the comparison is worth it no matter what.

opening a present before xmas. growing up we always opened up stocking presents the night before -- since the kids are too young to get the difference, for now, they can get a big gift early ;)

going to a christmas tree lighting. we have been to the downtown mck one since aidan was 1 :) its 10 seconds of magical :) and worth the crowds.

buying a pretty dress for pics and your birthday party. we go out, you can pick which one you like (or pick a dress we have that you love), and have a heyday. today, for instance, aidan and i were online shopping for her dress for the big 5!! (sigh). they love that stuff.

hmmmm... i'll add to this later :) but for now....

Friday, October 7, 2011

red light.

so i figured since i babbled all over my facebook about it, i should explain our new added "crunch".

first, let me start with what happened a week ago at sawyer's school. that sort of kick started this whole thing.

so sawyer is overall.... apathetic to punishment. like, you could tell her "get upstairs or ill throw your lovey in the trash" and she'd tell you to toss it. in school, they have colors on how theyre doing that day and she doesn't give 2 shits. like "cool. i got a yellow". or the threat of it doesnt phase her. sawyer had a bad week last week at school - but i mainly attributed it to A and S moving into the same bedroom that wkend before (pics on my TYLWL blog). and, well, they are re-learning how to fall asleep on their own LOL so i gave the teacher some ideas on what *i* would do with sawyer in those situations (hey, she asked!). and waited for the change.

now, is this 3 year old behavior? sure. but at the same time, i read about red dye in foods, on another board. hmmmm. so i looked up some more info.

the last blog was interesting, mainly bc of the comments on some of the entries. so many people had behavioral changes as well as other changes in their children.

so i figured, well, sometimes sawyer's a nut case ;) sometimes aidan is. lol more like "over-reactive flip outs for no reason" which usually are from overtired kids, but sometimes.... i wonder... ;)

anyway. so sunday of this week. my mom and i went grocery shopping.

if you eat pretty "clean", most of your food, likely, doesnt have red dye. but its the "treat" foods that are bad - the crap cereal, fruit snacks, etc. and sneaky things.

for instance:
*eggo cinnamon waffles do not have dye. but the blueberry does (didnt check others).
*regular chocolate syrup has red dye. sugar free does not. that works for us already lol
*lots of fun cereals do not have red dye (like kix! or chex!) but some "good" ones do - like special k with red berries.
*most of the fruit snacks have red dye, but there was one we found that didnt.
*some things that are meant to look "golden" have red and yellow dye - like pillsbury croissants. (which sucks. bc i can sneak anything into a croissant and get them to eat it - veggies, meat... gah. and i am uncertain to how easy that is to just whip up lol)

etc etc.

so you just have to be careful. keep an eye out.

as for behavior changes, i dunno. ill watch. she did have a fabulous week at school. which makes me smile. but the biggest change has been HER SKIN.

sawyer's entire mid-section was rough, scaly, patchy.. the dr always said eczema. so we'd put creams, oils, we put on some food oil that she told us to do lol sigh.

but less than 1 week without red dye and POOF! her skin is glorious. is it as soft has her sweet little face? not yet. but the eczema is barely there. its amazing. really.

and fyi, this stuff is normally "not me". but since sawyer is already sensitive to so many things, and we've rotated so many level 2s and 3s back (with good results! as she has gained so much weight in the past year!)

so anyway. check into it, maybe? if you have any questions, i may not be able to answer them but ill try :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

bedroom name signs.

so just thought id share this :) im gonna be printing them separately at 20x30 size and then put into THIN black frames (even a poster frame would do).

im super excited.

this also kinda gives a "theme" for miller's room (which is sawyer's room now). since its thats bright green, i already have THIS BANNER that im likely going to put into her room. so i thought that id do the letters in orange. keep a bit of a theme. that with gray will look super fun, i think. very "citrus" ish.

name storyboard

anyway, it was so easy to do. letters, with spaces, copy/paste. pick a color, la dee da!! :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

your perfect family.

so we found out yesterday that baby 4 is a GIRL!!! :)

pics posted:

since then, the comments on wanting a girl have been super interesting. its fascinating to see how people's own views of a "perfect" family are projected on others.

the minute i found out i was pregnant, i wanted another girl. i told my mom a couple of weeks ago that if they said boy, id have that few mins of "oh. hmm." and would need a pick me up. that boys are loud and rough. and that when i go to the chickfila play area, i pray that i'd have a boy different than all other boys. she reminded me about babygap boys clothes and i felt a bit better lol but not totally convinced.

i looked at aidan and sawyer and saw how they are together. remembering that aidan goes to kindy in 2012 and sawyer the year after, how i would love a sister still at the house for reese. swoon. and aidan, ohhhh aidan. yesterday on the way to the u/s we said "well it could be a brother!!!!" all excited that the option was there for her!! and she actually cried ::dies:: "but i want another sister...." well good. God knew :)

i smiled when moms of boys said "you neeeeeed a boy. nothing is like a momma's boy!!" but inside, i knew our house. i know are dynamics. i know we love putting on princess dresses and painting nails (which, of course, a boy could do if he wanted, but from what friends say -- most arent in the mood for that lol) i have 2 friends who are pregnant with their 4th girl and people have actually said *condolences* to them. like "oh man im sorry....". wtf. its insane what comes out of people's mouths sometimes.

when we heard girl yesterday, EJ had that minute of "oh. hmm." by the time we got in the car, we were making jokes and chatting about it and by yesterday afternoon, he was just as excited as me. its okay to be slightly disappointed. i know he thought just maybe, itd be a boy :) but God knows what our family is supposed to be.

ive always said, if i had 3 boys, i would craaaave a girl for the 4th. hell - if i had ONE boy only, id think id want a girl. but now i wonder if thats true. i have friends with boys and they have no interest for a girl, really. i think thats insane - how could you not want a GIRL!? but thats how they look at us and boys :) that reminds me how different everyone is.

we have 4 kids bc we want them. if we were TRYING for a gender, i would have done things to actually try for one or the other lol - like chart, or temp, and have sex on O day only instead of all of the days leading up. there are "methods" for boy and girl making and you'd think if a boy was on our mind we would have, oh, thought about trying those things for fun? lol

4 kids isnt the measure of how many it took to try to get a certain gender. a perfect family is not always a mix. a complete family is different for everyone. this is my family - what i had prayed for. what i had hoped for. there's no reason to believe otherwise. i said up above that EJ had that pang of disappointment ::shrug:: why wouldnt i say the same thing about myself if it were true? haha

so get ready, my friends, for this girl house. ive been reminded that ill need a few more closets and bathrooms, and a lot more patience as they get older ;) we'll see. either way. im excited for whats to come.