day 3.

Day 3-Your first love


i had to think about this one. thats why i didnt post yesterday.

OBVIOUSLY E.J. is my main squeeze. my one true love. the only person that ive been able to say "wow. i want to go to bed next to you every night. and see your mug in the morning as well". the guy who i wanted to have 3 (or more? lol) kids with. the one who makes me heart pitter patter (is that corny enough for you?).

but thats not a first love. a first love means mistakes. it means grand illusions of something that you *think* you know, but, well, you don't.

so that takes us to 2001. end of my senior year. we dated until fall 2003. he didnt even live in the same town as me. for 2 years, i traveled down to austin texas to hang out with him, meet his friends, live the life as a frat guy's girlfriend, and be... well, young. we had corny nicknames, we said that we loved each other, we learned a lot. well. i did. i cheated on him with the guy i'd consider my 2nd "love". and that was that. i hurt him. but in the end, it needed to happen. we needed to break up.

we didnt talk about the future. we didnt talk about anything really except the *now*. but thats how you know its not true love, right? when nothing is more important except whats going on in that very moment.

2+ years of fun and laughs. its true.
2+ years with someone who i could talk to for hours and considered my best friend.
2+ years of learning how to be in a relationship of some sort.
2+ years of thinking about someone else when they aren't around.

those are the type of relationships that teach you how to treat other people and how to express emotions. how to try not to hurt someone else (i failed) and how to, eventually, know what real love is and whats not.

i think everyone has someone like this. you dont regret anything that happened. you dont wish anything went differently.

because you are who you are. and with who youre with now. bc of first... second... third... however many, "loves". until finally - FINALLY - you say "oh pffftttt now THIS. *this* is love."

then you make babies and stuff.